Well, its 11pm and I have officially finished destroying the painting I had been working on for the last couple of weeks... it's been a while since I had such a bad night (or day for that matter) in the studio. I had this idea, inspired by a visit to Boston we did with a friend a couple of weeks ago...I can still see the image in my mind so clearly its almost painful. I did a preliminary drawing (silly me, I forgot to take pictures that day) and started painting. Finally, the background was done, the basic shapes were done... and I decided (tonight of all nights, after the horrible Monday I had) to "define this and that a little better, it's way too abstract for me...". Soon, a pencil line became an India Ink line, then a brushstroke, new shapes, glazes...complete destruction of the concept and subsequent annihilation by black acrylic paint. I could see myself ruining all those days of work, but couldn't stop!!. I'm so frustrated, I could cry. I hadn't felt like such a loser since my days at the University.
You see, I used to be an engineer (well, almost graduated, but that's too long a story). Back then, things were easy: math (2+2=4 always), chemistry (water and oil do not mix on their own) and Physics (everything that goes up, will come down... and probably hit you on the head, too, if you're not careful) they're all exact sciences. Not necessarily easy, but they are exact, absolute, they are governed by laws that will not change according to your mood, the weather or how tired you are. But art... this "Dolor Exquisito" (exquisite pain)...this need I feel to create and put things on paper or canvas, to imprint these images I see in my head...this is not an exact science at all. Beauty is not even an absolute definition! And on nights like this one, it is all too clear.
In the end, after the attack of the acrylic blob, I sprinkled some acrylic inks on the wet paint, just checked on it, and it looks promising, but not for tonight, tonight, I'm going to bed (yes, I am not afraid to admit I need a hug from my husband and a good cuddle session with both dogs). Tomorrow, I'll start all over again...wish me luck
You see, I used to be an engineer (well, almost graduated, but that's too long a story). Back then, things were easy: math (2+2=4 always), chemistry (water and oil do not mix on their own) and Physics (everything that goes up, will come down... and probably hit you on the head, too, if you're not careful) they're all exact sciences. Not necessarily easy, but they are exact, absolute, they are governed by laws that will not change according to your mood, the weather or how tired you are. But art... this "Dolor Exquisito" (exquisite pain)...this need I feel to create and put things on paper or canvas, to imprint these images I see in my head...this is not an exact science at all. Beauty is not even an absolute definition! And on nights like this one, it is all too clear.
In the end, after the attack of the acrylic blob, I sprinkled some acrylic inks on the wet paint, just checked on it, and it looks promising, but not for tonight, tonight, I'm going to bed (yes, I am not afraid to admit I need a hug from my husband and a good cuddle session with both dogs). Tomorrow, I'll start all over again...wish me luck
Posts
2 comments:
Hi Marilyn,
Sorry to hear your plight with your most recent painting. I can empathize.
Hopefully, in the light of this new day, things will be better.
I'm trying to look for bright spots too....wonder if there's something in the air that is vexing our creative spirits?
Hang in there. Sending hugs your way.
Kathleen
Thank you so much! you have a way of always making me feel better, thanks a lot for your words.
I don't know, these last couple of weeks have been very stressful for me (and the rest of the country, I'm sure). I'm thinking that maybe we're just exhausted from the whole economical and political climate. Whatever it is, I hope we can get back on our creative stilts soon!.
Sending hugs your way, too ;)
Post a Comment